Q: My husband recently told me he loves me but wants to consider opening our marriage. He asked me to consider becoming polyamorous. I’m so confused and embarrassed by his request that I don’t know how to respond. What will I tell our adult children? Should I just get a divorce?
A: First, I’m so glad you reached out as it is clear this is confusing for you. Although you don’t say it, it sounds like you didn’t have any warning or additional info about what your husband asked prior to his request for polyamory. It must feel overwhelming for sure. I think it may be important to return to your husband and ask to have more discussion about what he is seeking, and you can decide, after finding out more, what you are willing to do too. A good place to start, perhaps, is gathering more information about what polyamory is to determine if you would consider it. There are a couple of good resources you might consider as you contemplate this new journey in your marriage: This book is considered a good resource on polyamory and may help you understand what it may look like. Another resource is right here, and offers more perspective on the topic. Before making any decisions, it’s likely important to gain understanding about the subject of polyamory and your willingness to consider it too. The important piece as you make decisions about and in your marriage is to feel comfortable with whatever you decide is right for you. Creating good boundaries that work for you is crucial to whatever relationship you have with your husband going forward. If you are interested in exploring more about how this may look in your relationship, coaching may help too as you make decisions about what’s next.
